January 29, 2011 - The Worst Day of My Life!

Today is doomsday!

Harley was very aware of what was going on. It's not like she was in a coma or anything, which is making this more difficult.

Breakfast
Harley had a bowl of warm. milk. She loves warm milk! It's one of her favorite things. Then, I gave her a piece of string cheese, and at first she didn't want it. I think she was very skeptical because she thought that I hid her medicine in it. Then, I gave her a can of tuna fish, which she gulped down.

I called the Spring Grove Clinic and they said they could get Harley in at 10:00 a.m. I confirmed with Bob, from "A Peaceful Passage," that he could meet us there. So the plan was that I would take her to the clinic, then they would Euthanize her and Bob would take her to be cremated and return her ashes to me.

Almost Time
I just sat and brushed Harley's hair and talked to her. I asked Patty to drive me because my dad was crying (but, he's the one who doesn't want to deal with her anymore). I could drive myself, if that's the case!

Harley did not want to get up, so I had to pick her up and it was so hard not to hurt her and to try to hold her without her helping.

Syd and Patty came with.

Our Final Moments
Bob was already there. I didn't want to carry her in until they were ready because she was so heavy. They had to weigh her first, and her back legs gave out and slid under her, and she peed all over. Now, I had to pick her up again to get her onto the table in the room. This was even more of  a challenge because she was on a slippery service, the pee was on the floor below me, and she couldn't help. Plus, she was fighting it all the way. I think she knew!

When I put her on the table, she was squirming all over and putting her feet down, like she was applying the brakes! I just put my arms around her and told her that Grandma Fitz would take care of her and that she could visit Shelby. I told her that she was my "best friend," and the Receptionist started to cry to. She said they weren't supposed to. At some point, the doctor had given her the sedation medicine, and Harley's body relaxed, but my visual of her is with her head down, and her tongue sticking out. I was freaking out about her tongue sticking out. Bob kept checking in. He couldn't believe that I was doing this alone. Then, the doctor, who was Middle Eastern (I wish that she could have had Dr. Bob do this), gave her the Euthanasia shot, and she was gone very quickly. I hugged her and hugged her. I told her that I would see her again one day.

Patty drove home, and then, Sydney and I went to the resale shop and to lunch because I needed to stay distracted.

Internet/Phone
I wanted to go home and post my loss on Facebook, but our phone/Internet service was out. I was so frustrated because I couldn't blog, finish my Harley charm bracelet or anything without a computer. So, I started cleaning out the closet to stay distracted. I knew if I tried to take a nap, it would be even harder to get her out of my thoughts.

I was having a hard time already...thinking that she's going to hate me for doing this to her. I really just wanted to get her back! It's like torture.

Sydney
Sydney was going to spend the night, but decided not to. I went to Culver's with my neighbor Marie and we played a couple games of Scrabble so that I could stay distracted.

Internet
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and went to Patty's to use their Internet. Everyone was so supportive, but nothing anyone could do to make me feel batter or get my Harley back. I just want her BACK!

Sleepless in Spring Grove
Do you know how hard it is to sleep? I miss my girl so much. My heart is breaking.

R.I.P. Harley...September 5, 1995-January 29, 2011